Friday, 26 August 2016

Time is precious

If I were to received a pound for every time I logged on here and began writing a post, only to delete everything I've wrote and close it, I would be UNBEARABLY rich. I absolutely adore blogging, it's one of my favourite things to do, but sometimes I wonder whether I actually have enough to talk about to continue to keep my blog alive, to continue to keep it interesting enough for people to come here and read. I just worry that I don't have the imagination to create wonderfully interesting reads. 

I'm finding that most of the time I'm struggling to find the time to come here and talk to you, my life has been taken over by work, and when I'm not working I'm most likely reading, or catching up on TV shows. I just never seem to have enough time to do all the things that I so desperately want and need to do in my life. 

The last year of my life and more so the last few months I've found myself falling into that horrible pattern that nobody wants to fall into. I wake up, I go to work, where I'm barely even treated like a human being with feelings, I then get home with barely enough time to eat, and then head off to bed. When I get home I'm lucky if I get to have some form of interaction with my other half, which is completely insane considering that we live together! I swear I don't see why I'm paying for a mortgage, I'm out of the house more than I'm in it. 

Hell is repetition, and my life is repetition. 

There's so much I use to want to do with my life, still so much that I want to do. I miss the times where I had the spare money and spare time to not work in a horrible stuffy office, instead I would get to run around with my camera and be crazy creative. 

When I was in University I would have gave anything for it to be over, for me to finally enter the real world with my degree and find a wonderful job that I could fall in love with. Little did I know the real world was never how I pictured it, how people told me it was going to be. No one ever told me it was going to be this hard, no one told me that no one would care about all I've put myself through in order to try and be the best version of me. I always thought that once completing University I would actually be able to fall into the career of my dreams. 

Work, bills, work, bills. MY ENTIRE LIFE. 

My partner and I have booked a trip to Rome very shortly, and I'm more excited about this than I have been about anything in such a long time. I can't wait to spend an entire 5 days in awe staring at the beautiful historical structures that will be standing before me, to be running around with my camera and not having a care in the world. I will completely be in my element, having my camera in my hand and my soul mate by my side. I've literally left myself completely broke in order to book this trip because it was the only way as I have less money now than I have ever had. That's completely hilarious considering this is my first 'real' job, my first real job and I have no money. 

I love certain aspects of my life, I really do. Actually, I love every small detail about my life, aside from the pathetic excuse of a job I currently have. I'm not saying this is an awful job, I'm not saying that people can't enjoy it because it really isn't the worst thing in the world. Honestly, it's just the kind of thing I always said I would never do, it's not the kind of thing that I've worked my entire life  I have a naturally creative mind and not one thing about this job fits my personality. I actually feel like my talents are going to waste, and I'm stuck here now, I don't know what the hell to do to get out, to get out there and do what I was destined to do, be the person I'm truly meant to be. 

In ways my life is a lot more than I thought it would be at this point, I have a wonderful partner, family, and even extended family. I am surrounded by the most wonderful people, people that I find inspirational and just love more than words can express, especially my wonderful better half. I just wish I wasn't stuck in a job I can't stand, I wish it was easy to escape into something that will fill my days with happiness. 

My hun and I 


  1. It does happen, the horrible pattern of working and then barely living. It's just a reality. I'm sure life will balance out. Just try a bit to find a better balance and relax. Time is something we can't really control so just go with it.

    S .x

  2. I'm just going to try and stay positive, I'll keep working at things and I'm sure I'll eventually get where I need to be. I think it's just hard knowing you've worked so long for something, and it doesn't seem to be happening x


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