Sunday, 19 April 2015

Moving forward

Each blogger will understand what I go through on a day to day basis when I talk about just staring at the blank blog post before me, struggling and trying to figure out what to blog about. I'm learning that I shouldn't let it be as hard as it sometimes is, I should just blog when it comes naturally to me instead of trying to force out random words onto the blank page before me. 

I've been sitting here for a good half an hour, just staring at this blank, white page, so clean, so empty…that's the problem, it's empty…well, not anymore!

As most of you know, if you occasionally look at my blog at least, I have been a University student for the past 3 years and with this comes a string of regrets, a string of crushed dreams and aspirations. One thing that I do like to think about my time at University it that it's helped me to grow as an individual. I can honestly say that if I had never took the plunge into University, then I wouldn't be who I am today, I might not have the life that I have today.

The past 3 years I have been filled with so much hatred for the world, for my degree, for the people on my degree, but it's not their fault, it's not my fault, it's the education systems fault, and although I dislike to try and lay blame onto other people, that's all I can do here. If I'd have never been told from such an early age that the only way to get a good job and be successful was to go to school and achieve great GCSE'S, then to College and then to University, then I'd have probably never even considered going to Uni. What's done is done, although the last 3 years have been the absolute bane of my existence. I can honestly say that I am now feeling happy, happier than I have in the longest of time. My life is about to start, I'm about to be released into the real world, to get a job, to have money, most importantly, to have control of my own life, which is something that I don't think I have ever had.

Like I have said, University helped me to grow as a person, it encouraged who I have become. 3 years ago I was a completely different person in so many ways. Uni has helped me to grow up mentally, it's helped me to age in a way I needed to, although maybe now my brain is too old for my age, but that's perfectly acceptable. Do you know what the greatest thing is? Soon I will never have to do another Uni assignment, I feel like I'll be set free, like a bird from a cage, it's a wonderful feeling. I've never in my life found anything as hard and as challenging as Uni, and although it's a wonderful thing to challenge yourself in life, it's also good to make sure that the thing that's challenging you is actually something that you want because if not, you're not going to give it your all, you're not going to care if you fail or succeed, but like they say, it's better to try and fail than never to try at all. 

I will forever regret applying for this degree and accepting my place to study a BSc in Broadcast and Media Production at Liverpool John Moores University, but I will not regret who it has made me become, I'm a much better person for going through this, I know more about myself than I ever did, I know more of what I want and more importantly what I don't want, most importantly, I now know that being happy is the one thing that matters above anything else, nothing is at all worth it if happiness isn't in your life. 

My life is truly about to start, I'm about to move forward with life and that's the most exciting thing that I have ever experienced. No longer will I accept the unhappiness that I most certainly do not deserve, no more will I do something that I'm not passionate about, no more will I not be myself. The past few months of my life have already progressively got better, with the introduction of new and wonderful people into my life, a wonderfully incredibly boyfriend, a best friend who I can count on like a sister, a family who I can depend on, people who encourage me and inspire me…how can the people in my life get any better? Here's the time to begin concentrating on other aspects of my life, I now have a house to pay for, food to put onto the table, bills to pay for, bank overdrafts to pay back, student loans to payback and a life of adventure, love and happiness to plan for. I have so many plans, so many dreams to achieve, so many things that make me look forward to the future, so many wonderful people in my life that make me look forward to the future. 

The future is coming, it's coming fast and it's coming soon. Things are changing, my life is about to change for the better, it's time to feel like I belong in this world, like I have a place, a purpose. It's time to kick stress out of my life, after all, stressing solves nothing, it just causes problems. 

So here's to the future, here's to the life that I'm going to have, the people that will hopefully be in my life for the longest of time. Here's to who I have become, who I am yet to become and who I am forever destined to be. Here's to having passion, showing kindness and being happy…here's to the life that I deserve, the life that I am going to throw myself into. 

Have a wondeful day my lovelies xoxo

Have courage and be kind

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