Friday, 18 July 2014

Nothing lasts forever

I've just this week applied for my student finance, for the last time. It's actually really scary knowing that this is my final year at Uni.

I'm really worried about it to be honest, not just because I'll be finishing my degree and entering the big bad world, but because of how important my final year it.

I'm scared that I won't come out with the degree I want, I don't want to disappoint myself and most importantly my family.

The month of August is just around the corner and I haven't yet got a solid idea for my dissertation. It's not that I am short of ideas; it's more that I have far too many ideas and just can't settle on one. I need to choose the best one, the one I can do the greatest and it's the hardest thing choosing, especially when I'm not really a decision maker.

I need my dissertation to be the greatest work I have ever created. I want it to be something that makes me proud to call it my work, The film length must be at least 20 minutes; I find it so hard working with such specific lengths because it just means I can't do specific things.

I hate having all of these worries, the worrying of University, money and life in general. The future absolutely terrifies me. I am so afraid of the unknown. I mean don't get me wrong, I am excited to see what the future holds for me, but I'm so scared of filming out at the same time. I wish that I didn't have all of these worries. I wish I was still a little kid, running around without a care in the world. I don't think we knew how lucky we were. I'd give anything to go back, to not have all of this stress on my shoulders. I wish I had never grown up.

As a child all I ever wanted to do was grow up, but now I have reached the stage where I would give anything to go back. How were we to know that life would be like this? How were we to know that it would be so hard and challenging? I miss the freedom, seeing my friends all of the time and nor caring about how much money was in my pocket.


I mean, I'm not complaining, well maybe I am just a little, but life is good right now, it really is. It's better than it has been in a long time, but I'm still so scared. I'm just a natural worrier. I can't help it, I worry about anything and everything. I'm actually quite a negative person, although not a lot of people will notice that. I'm really pessimistic. I can never look forward to the good things because I always worry about it going wrong, surely that's better than being disappointed? At least if I think negatively then I wont be too disheartened.

I hope to enjoy life more in the future, I just need my life to pan out the way I want it too, I need to know what's going to happen in the future, then I can start enjoying it.

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