Saturday, 19 August 2017

Sunshine Blogger Award

I'm going to be completely honest with you all right now and let you know that I hadn't heard about the Sunshine Blogger Award until the lovely Michelle from Writing Between Pauses nominated me today. Now before I continue, I must insist that you head on over to her beautiful blog and take a look at her fantastic posts, I assure you, you won't be disappointed. Thank you so much for the nomination Michelle!
The Sunshine Blogger Award

The Sunshine Blogger Award is given to bloggers who are creative, positive and inspiring.

The Rules
  1.  Thank the blogger who nominated them and link back to their blog.
  2. Answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated them.
  3. Nominate 11 other blogs and give them 11 new questions to answer.
  4. Notify your nominees and display The Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post.

Michelle's Questions  

What is your favourite colour and why? 
Red just because I really like it.
What's your current favourite outfit?
I absolutely love my Denim dungaree pinafore, with tights and vans. It's such a lazy and simple outfit, it looks cute, and it's hassle free!
What's one thing that you wanted to achieve this year that you haven't?
I wanted to read 4 books per month, but I've just found I'm far too busy to cope with that read load every month
Speaking of that thing you wanted to achieve, what can you do today to achieve it?
Find the time to read, whether it be before bed, travelling to work or in the bath. I will aim to read 4 books a month starting fro September.
Are you #TeamCoffee or #TeamTea? (or the controversial #TeamCocoa?)
#TeamTea, however I am partial to sliding over to #TeamCocoa occasionally. 
You're cast out from society. What's one thing you'd miss the absolute most?
The Pizza. No, I probably miss my family the most, presuming they haven't been cast out alongside me, It's hard to imagine them not being around.
What has been your favourite summer memory?
I don't know if you would class it as summer, maybe on the outskirts of summer? but I'm using it anyway. We visited Rome, it's always summer in Rome, right?  Anyway, we visited Rome, and my now fiance proposed to me, and it was the most magical day of my life, and I could talk about it forever.
What are you looking forward to in the next 6 months?
CHRISTMAS! I absolutely adore Christmas, it's my favourite day of the year. I just love how happy everyone is, the air smells different on Christmas, I love the lights, the family time, the presents, the food, and the magic.
Quick: Name your 3 favourite foods.
I'd love to say Salad, Salad, and Salad...but I'm going to say Pizza, Pizza, and a bit more Pizza!
Do you have a favourite Instagram account? Share it!
Giovanna Fletcher I don't know if any of you know who Giovanna is, but I just love how real her account it, it makes me smile so much.
What's the one thing you look for in a blog you fall in love with?
Passion! You can spot passion a mile away, and I absolutely love reading passionate posts.

My Nominees
  1. Fern at Life With Ferine
  2. Sarah at Sarah Trademark
  3. Amy Maria at Miss Amy Maria 
  4. Gemma at Life 0f A Gem 
  5. Alicia at Alicias Planet 
  6. Billi at Billi Loves Beauty 
  7. Clare at Not Accounting For Looks 
  8. Anne at Anne The Ginger 
  9. Anne at Weird 
  10. Mag at Forever Book Blog 
  11. Faye at Faye Jessica 
My Questions For You
  1. 1. What advise would you give someone if they were just starting out with their blog?
  2. If you had one super power, what would it be?
  3. What are 3 things you can't live without?
  4. Have you always been interested in writing?
  5. Tell me 5 facts about you that we may not know. 
  6. If you could go on 1 date with anyone in the world, who would it be, and what would you do?
  7. How old would you think you were if you didn't know how old you were? 
  8. If you could have any animal as your pet, what would you choose?
  9. What did you want to be when you grew up?
  10. I you could give your younger self some advise, what would it be?
  11. Who/What do you take inspiration from for your blog?
 Thank you again Michelle for your nomination, I really enjoy posting these awards, and I love finding new bloggers, I look forward to seeing the posts from my nominees!

Thursday, 17 August 2017

PCOS and Me

The truth of PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) is that it isn't the same for everyone that suffers from the illness, and there are so many side effects that you may suffer from. Some women are lucky and won't suffer from any side effects at all, or very few, others may suffer from all of them and have quite a bad time with it. 

I've found that not a lot of people speak about PCOS, even though 1 in 10 women suffer from it. 

My PCOS story began around 2009, which amazingly is now nearly a decade ago, but I didn't know at the time that this was what was happening with me. 

As a women you expect to have a period every single month like clockwork, and as much as we hate it, it's surely better than the alternative, right? My periods began to become irregular, at first they would be a few days late, then a few weeks, then a few months, and at first it was the best thing ever! That was until the reality of it all began to set in, as much as we hate periods, we're supposed to have them so I knew something must be wrong with me. 

It wasn't until 2011 that they began to become incredibly irregular to the point where I'd have one every 4 month, and when they came I'd be in agonising pain. It was then I knew enough was enough and my mum arranged for us to visit the doctors to find out what was going on with my body. I was sent for plenty of blood tests and then even an ultrasound where they looked at my ovaries, and told me that nothing was out of the ordinary. I was told that I was at a funny age and my periods would go back to normal eventually, and that was that. 

Unfortunately in 2015 my beautiful grandmother passed away due to a type of ovarian/womb cancer, and that's the hardest experience I've ever lived through. You might be asking what relevance this has to anything, but imagine everything going on with you physically and then having less than a month to come to terms with your grandmother having cancer before she passes away. Imagine being someone who isn't emotionally strong, every time something majorly bad happens in life it fucks with my mental health, and that's what it did. The stress was unbearable and the effect it had on my life and my mental health is so immense. Then before I even had time to come to terms with this I thought back to all of my problems, some of which my gran had. I went to the doctors and demanded a smear because cancer so clearly runs in my family, and I have so many problems that I freaked. They never gave me a smear, even though my grandmother passed away from these problems, even though I have SO many problems, they would not do it. 

I went 4 years with my periods coming every 4 months, and it was so normal to me that I almost forgot that they were suppose to be happening every month. It was in around July 2015 when I first started my current job that things began to change, the periods got heavier, so heavy that I had to rush to the toilet at least every hour out of fear. 

2016 came around, throughout the last 5 years my periods had came every 4 months like clockwork, then that changed. 4 months went by, 6 months, 8 months...nothing. This is when I had finally had enough and went back to my doctors with determination to find out what was going on, what was so wrong with me. I was in so much pain, I felt like I was going to be sick ALL of the time, I didn't feel like myself.

I was first referred to the Gynecological ward in around August 2016, and I was so nervous about what was going to come from this, but so happy I was trying again to find out what was going on. I went to St. Helens hospital with my fiance by my side and told them everything I had gone through over the last 7 years. I was sent for plenty more blood tests, as well as a transvaginal ultrasound, which I was terrified about. For anyone who's unsure about what this is, it's an internal ultrasound, and it was incredible uncomfortable. I received my next appointment to receive my results on the 7th September, and it was then I was finally told that I had PCOS. I was also told that I had what they presumed a benign cyst on one of my ovaries that they needed to keep an eye on. I was then sent for more blood tests and put on the contraceptive pill to hopefully regulate my periods, not that this helped in the past.

Although I knew I had PCOS and I knew that I had a cyst, I didn't actually know anything about it, but there wasn't time to think because it was time for my first abroad holiday, I was off to beautiful Rome. I made sure to begin my pill (Yasmin Contraceptive Pill)  at the best time to ensure I didn't come on during my holiday, presuming I would have one that its. 
At the beginning of October we returned from Rome and a few days later my period came, thank the heavens! But I shouldn't have thanked anyone too soon, after all I had gone 10 months without a period, why did I think this would just be a standard period? It was agonising, and it was the worst period I have ever experienced to this day. I was filling up sanitary towels within half an hour. The October period actually continued throughout November too and turned out to last a solid 2 months. Both myself and my fiance began to become increasingly concerned at the amount of blood loss. Multiple visits to my doctors at this time helped us to understand that although I hadn't had a period for 10 months, my body was still producing the lining that our body disposes every month, that's why there was just so much blood. 

It was sometime in November I received an appointment for another internal ultrasound to find out whether the cyst had disappeared, shrank or even grew. It had grew. The machine technician told me it had now grown from the size of a golf ball to around the size of a tennis ball. Unfortunately she was just the machine technician and wasn't actually able to tell me anything further about it, I'd honestly rather she hadn't told me anything. The panic then set in, what does this mean? Why isn't it going? Then I received an appointment to meet my Gynecologist on the 7th December and it was then I was told what I already knew about it growing and still being there, but that's not what I wanted to know, I needed to know what happens from here. That's when I was told that they would need to perform a laparoscopy (key hole surgery) to remove the cyst, and terror set in from that moment. I was again sent for more blood tests and then sent on my way to await my surgery date.

It wasn't until April 2017 that I finally received a date for my preop which would be on the 8th May, and then my operation would take place on the 16th May. From then until my operation I spent many the occasion in the doctors because of various side effects including borderline acne, back pain, stomach pain, pain everywhere really, and the constant need to be sick. 

Monday the 8th May finally rolled around and it was time for my preop, something I was quite nervous about because it was the final step before my operation date. I spent around 2 - 3 hours in St Helens Hospital for my preop which involved quite a few tests, but mainly just waiting around. That's when it happened, I was told they could no longer perform the operation at St Helens Hospital because of my weight and because they are preparing to have to remove more than just the cyst. FLOOD GATES OPEN. I had waited SO long to get to this point, knowing it wasn't going to be happening the following week was just awful, then I had to come to terms with the idea of them possibly removing my Fallopian tube and/or ovary.

Another few weeks of waiting and the appointment came through the post, my operation was set for the 3rd July at Whiston hospital. I went to sleep the night beforehand feeling like I was going to wake up with a full blown cold. Waking up on the 3rd July I had a rush of different feelings, I was worried which I think is a feeling most people would have, but I was also scared they wouldn't perform the operation today due to me coming down with a cold. 

We got to the hospital around 9:20, 40 minutes before I was due to be there, but it's better to be earlier rather than late. We spent a good couple of hours just sat in the waiting room anticipating the moment they would finally call my name. I was called around 11:30 to have a couple of tests and speak to the anesthetist about what their job was and any worries I may have. Then I was back in the waiting room, but it wasn't long after that we were called because I finally had a bed, the best thing about my inpatient visit was the fact I had bagged myself my own room rather than being on a ward with 3-5 other ladies. Throughout the couple of hours we were sat in the room, most of the people involved in the surgery did come and introduce themselves to me which I really appreciated. I think meeting everyone involved helped to calm my nerves a little bit, and I was absolutely terrified. 

It was around 2pm one of the nurses came to collect me and we walk down to the theater, and I have to admit that it did cross my mind to just run in the other direction. We entered the room, and although I had met most of the people involved in the operation, I was still surprised by the amount of people waiting for me, the amount gathered around me when I lay on the bed in preparation of what was to come. I was given gas and air and the bit I was dreading was about to happen, the cannula was going in my hand whether I wanted it to or not. I remember them telling me they were pumping some strong pain medication through my system and then in a few moments they will be putting me to sleep. That's it, that's the last thing that I remember before I finally woke up. 

I've never been put to sleep before, and waking up from the anesthetic was one of the weirdest experiences I have lived through, it just made me feel so weird. When I eventually came around properly, the nurse who had been sat by my bedside awaiting me to wake up told me they had managed to get the cyst out through keyhole and luckily didn't need to do a full bikini line cut. Then she told me that as well as that they did unfortunately have to remove my Fallopian tube due to them not being able to repair this after the cyst was removed. 

Cut out all of the tears the pain and worries that have got me to where I am today, 6 weeks post op. Honestly? I don't feel any better about anything, I don't feel like things are going to get better for me. I'm still in a bit of pain, severe pain coming back every now and then, but my wounds are almost healed and most infections that I contracted have almost disappeared. 

I have PCOS and here's what that means for me as an individual...

It means I don't have periods, not since January at least.

It means I may struggle to have children.

It means that I won't be fertile as long as most women.

It means I need to try and have a baby earlier than I may like to before I miss out on my chance.

It means no matter how much I look after my skin, the spots just keep coming back.

It means my ovulation may be irregular or even none existent.

It means I have excess body hair in places I would rather not have it. 

It means gaining weight is too easy.

It means losing weight is hard.

It's resulted in the loss of my left Fallopian tube.

It's resulted in an increase in both my Anxiety and my Depression

Monday, 14 August 2017

10 Things I'd do if i won the lottery

I'm pretty sure that this is an idea everyone has dreamed about at some point in their lie, myself included. Now I'm 100% certain that for myself, it will never happen it will only ever be a dream, mainly because I have literally never played the lottery in my life. 

Let's just go to an amazing dream world for a moment, let's just pretend that in some beautifully, magical, parallel universe that I do play the lottery, and let's go ahead nd pretend that I happened to win a few million. What would I do with the money you might ask, well continue reading and you'll soon see!

I won the lottery, what do I do?

1. Drop EVERYTHING and elope to Iceland to marry my fiance ASAP.

How could this not be the first thing that I do? It's not even that I want some expensive, over the top wedding, I mean I literally just want it to be him and I. It wouldn't be about all that, it would be about having the money straight away to do what we've already planned a whole lot faster.

2. Filter money into both animal and mental health charities. 

Animals are my entire world, I want to protect them, I wish that I could give them all the love that they deserve, but I can't. I'd filter money to charities and wildlife sanctuaries, maybe I'll buy out companies like Sea World so their animals can be free. As for Mental Health charities, I'd donate to charities such as Mind and be sure to help as much as I could to get word out about mental health.

3. Pay off our mortgage and either do all awaiting renovations, or buy a new property.

I'm not 100% sure on which of the above two I'd want to do, mainly because I love our home, and that's what it is, our home. If we stayed where we are, I'd want extensions on both floors at the back of the house, planning permission dependent. I'd renovate the entire house really, but mainly the upstairs bathroom, and downstairs kitchen, but also change the stairs and floorboards. I'd want a walk in wardrobe, en suite bathroom, my fiance would want a dedicated room to his gaming, and I for my photography, make up and blogging. If we bought our own place? Which I think we would, then I'd want a nice, but rather large, cottage house.

4. 100% quit my job.

I strongly dislike my job, and fail to understand how anyone who works with me feels motivated to work there, it's just not the place for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't want to work, just that I wouldn't work here, more on this further down the post.

5. Get my cat, Steve, a buddy.

I know, cats aren't all that expensive, but if I had this dream house and all this money it would be a whole lot easier for me to get him a friend. I think he'd enjoy having a little friend because life can be lonely, and I never want him to feel lonely. 

6. Start my own marine charity.

I find that a lot of people really do care about animals, and that's lovely, but not as many care about our marine animals, and they are my favourite. I'd firstly want to explore our worlds seas to find out what magnificent creatures we are yet to discover, and secondly protect the beautiful creatures we know of. I'd want to shut companies like sea world down and move all marine animals to transitional and coastal wildlife sanctuaries. 

7. Do Japan.

I LOVE Japan, and so does my fiance, maybe this would be our honeymoon? We'd got for at least a month, tour the entire country and do everything that there is to do. 

8. Start my family.

If money was no object, I'd be starting a family as soon as possible. As someone with PCOS my chances of conceiving naturally are reduced, and I won't be able to get pregnant as long as people without this illness. Losing a Fallopian tube further reduces my chances, and I just want to have children asap, at least with winning the lottery, if I ever need to go through IVF the money will be there to help us as much as possible. For as long as I can remember, one of my biggest dreams has been to have my own family, and that has never changed. I can't wait for us to have our own little person that relies on us to help encourage them to be an amazing person.

9. Learn to drive and get a 67' Chevy Impala.

Ahh the 67' Chevy, it's been my dream car now for about 12 years, and it would be mine! For those of you who don't know, this is Dean Winchester beloved car in the hit TV show Supernatural, and it's so darn beautiful.

10. Swim with sharks.

I know this might tie in with the charity idea, but I need to make sure I swim with sharks. Like I mean I want to go into the big wide ocean and either cage dive/swim, or both, with great white sharks. Sharks are by far my favourite animal, and I just think they are so misunderstood and so beautiful. 

There you have it, 10 things i'd do if I won the lottery, so go ahead and leave a comment below and let me know what you'd do if you got that lucky.

Sunday, 13 August 2017

The Liebster Award

The Liebster Award

Hello lovelies, I hope you're all having a fabulous Sunday! So Yesterday the lovely Chloe at SimplyChloesBlogsBlog nominated me for the Liebster Award which is just a way for you to give recognition to some of your favourite bloggers whilst also finding new ones.

Little fact before we get started, "Liebster" has several definitions including: dearest, sweetest, kindest, nicest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, welcome, and sweetheart. After finding out what the word of German origin means, I just found the award so much lovelier after knowing this.

  1. Link back to the person of which nominated you.
  2. Post 11 facts about yourself, preferably that you haven't previously shared on your blog.
  3. Come up with 11 questions for your nominees to answer.
  4. Nominate 11 blogs.
  5. Let your nominees know that you have chosen them.  

11 Facts About Me

  1. I have partial Spina Bifida, it's probably the rarest form because the only thing different about me is I have a kind of dimple above my coccyx.
  2. I watch an unhealthy amount of movies, but I just love them.
  3. I'm engaged to the love of my life, and we're marrying next year in Iceland.
  4. I have a cat named Steve and he's a bit of psychopath, but I love him.
  5. I have PCOS.
  6. I have just had surgery that resulted in me losing one of my Fallopian tubes and reducing my chances even further of having children.
  7. I have an obsession with murder documentaries.
  8. I want to work with animals, but I'm not really sure how to get where I want to be.
  9. I've been blogging for 3 years.
  10. I'm currently trying to lose weight, become healthier, and just become a better me. 
  11. I cry for no reason at all, and at most films.
Questions from Chloe
  1. Favourite Disney Quote? "Where there is kindness, there is goodness, and where there is goodness, there is magic" - Cinderella
  2. What is your biggest goal? It's quite clear that I love writing, and along with creating my blog and building that up, I aim to have at least one book published in the future.
  3. Who is your inspiration and why? Zoe Sugg because she got to where she was by herself, and that means you or I can too. I also take inspiration from Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato because they are strong amazing women and I love them.
  4. 3 things that make you happy? My family, the blogging community, and writing. 
  5. If you could describe your blog in 3 words, what would the 3 words be and why? Personal, Honest, Positive.
  6. What are your blogging goals for the month? I find myself becoming a part time blogger the further into my blogging journey I get, my main goal is to up my blogging game!
  7. Where do you get your inspiration for your blog posts? Sometimes I'll gain inspiration from other bloggers, sometimes it'll just come out of nowhere.
  8. Books or magazines? I never read magazines, but I absolutely love reading books, my favourite authors being Kathy Reichs, Stephen King, and Giovanna Fletcher.
  9. Where is the one place you feel most like yourself? A bit of a cop out answer, but 100% in my house, it's probably the only place that I am 100% myself.
  10. What is your favourite category on your blog? Lifestyle, I enjoy writing about things that matter.
  11. Who inspires you? My fiance inspires me to be a better person ever single day just by being as amazing as he is.
Questions for you
  1.  Do you enjoy reading? If yes, what are your top 5 books, if no, why not?
  2. Where do you want to be 5 years from now?
  3. Where do you take inspiration from?
  4. What's your favourite animal, and why?
  5. Why did you decided to start blogging?
  6. What's the main theme that runs throughout your blog?
  7. What did you want to be when you were younger?
  8. Do you have a bucket list?
  9. Have you ever overcame one of your fears?
  10. What's your favourite part about blogging?
  11. If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?

My Nominations

Charlene -
Ashley - 
Billie -
Becca & Tom -
April -
Rebekah -
Zara -
Ellie -
RayRayLou -
Lynsey -
Kate -

Above I've listed a few blogs that I've enjoyed reading over the last few days, so go ahead and give them a read, I'm sure you won't be disappointed!

Thank you again for the nomination Chloe, you're a star!

Saturday, 12 August 2017

Mr and Mrs Twigg

This post has been incredibly delayed due to personal issues, but may I present to you Mr and Mrs Twigg! 

On the 3rd June 2017 I had the absolute pleasure of attending my beautiful cousins wedding, and it was an incredible day. The wedding took place at Daresbury Chuch and it was just beautiful, I can't help but cry at weddings, I don't know why I insist on eye make up! After they said their "I Do's" we traveled to a beautiful lake for the wedding breakfast and evening reception. Upon arriving at the lake I was stunned by it's beauty, I doubt anyone could have planned the day better, it was incredible. With a carousel, hook a duck and plenty of other fairground games, we were all reminded of what it was like to be children again. The wedding breakfast was a little tea party and it was so lovely, thank you again for inviting me to celebrate with you!

I absolutely adore weddings and celebrating love, next year I get to marry my soul mate, and I'm more excited than I have ever been in my life.

Friday, 21 July 2017

Mental Health

Mental Health

On the 20th July 2017 Chester Bennington unfortunately passed away after a long struggle with mental health issues, issues myself and I'm sure a lot of other didn't know he was struggling with.

Following the saddening news that left fans across the world in disbelief, the messages I was hoping not to see began popping up. "Suicide is the weak way out" one would say or "he's selfish" or even "This isn't sad, he chose this". A lot of the comments left on tributes all over the internet left me heartbroken. Yes heartbroken for the loss of one of the greatest musicians to ever grace the earth with his lovely voice, but heartbroken at the way people still view mental health issues. 

I can't even begin to understand how someone can see mental illness as a weakness, how suicide can be seen as an easy way out. 

The human race never fails to disappoint.  

It's so common, it could be anyone. The trouble is, nobody wants to talk about it. And that makes everything worse - Ruby Wax

The reality of having a mental illness is popping endless pills that probably won't make you feel better, probably won't end the pain. It's sitting in a dark room wanting to be alone, not wanting to see or speak to anyone. It's not washing your hair for days, weeks, maybe even months because what's the point? It's feeling worthless and like the walls are closing in, and nothing you do helps. 

For those of you that truly believe that someone suffering with a mental health related problem is worthless and weak leave a comment below, I beg of thee, but also take a moment to think about the following. Imagine feeling worthless, like you're a burden to those you love the most. Imagine feeling like the whole world is against you and nothing you do helps you to feel better, nothing you do helps you out of the dark place you're trapped in. When you're in this mind frame you aren't thinking or acting like a rationale  human being, you won't think about those who love you and how much it will hurt them, all you can think about is ending the pain no matter what the cost. 

Mental health is SO important.

Suicide is not weak and certainly is not selfish.
 R.I.P. Chester Bennington

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